OK, so you keep trying to make this ADHD relationship work, but:

bride-groom-kiss-bw

  • you find yourself angry most of the time
  • when you try to work out the problems, they get worse instead of better
  • you barely remember how it felt to be in love with him/her
  • you’ve both settled for far less in your relationship than you deserve

Isn't it time to learn the secret to a remarkable ADHD relationship?

As much as we'd like to believe in the promise of "happily ever after," enduring relationships aren't the instant result of an "I do" or exchanging keys to his/her apartment. Remarkable ADHD relationships are built, created day by day, conversation by conversation, argument by argument..

Wait, did you say arguments?

Yes, arguments. Because if you can weather the conflicts, chances are good you can hang in there through the rest of the roller coaster ride that is life with ADHD.

couple-angry-not-speaking

So how do you learn the secrets of getting along when you want to tear your hair or scream at the top of your lungs ... or shut down and just walk out?

That's where we come in.

Victor and I created the ADHD Couples VIP retreat because - with all modesty aside - we have crafted a marriage that exceeds our wildest expectations.

Dancing kiss Linda Victor

It wasn’t because we came from extraordinary families or had unlimited time and resources. We did it in spite of life’s ups and downs - kids and step-kids, ex-spouses and child support, health problems and career changes.

Over the years, we tried couple’s counseling, weekend retreats, relationship books, psychotherapy, fighting fair, 12-step programs, coaching and more. They all worked ... to a certain extent.

But it was a combination of all those resources in tandem with our own commitment to each other that finally allowed us to click into a strong, steady relationship that grows deeper and more delightful each day.

If we can do it, you can do it, too. Listen to Tom and Joanna:

 

One weekend can transform your relationship.
Seriously.

In just three days, Victor and I will share our best relationship secrets - the ones that really work for ADHD couples:

  • without damaging your relationship
  • how to ask for what you want ... and get it!
  • how to find out what you partner is really thinking
  • how to help your partner understand what's going on inside you
  • how to cut through the tension and get to the heart of the matter
  • how five magical words can change everything
  • how to listen and "hear' with love and acceptance (and be accepted, too)
  • how to improve your co-parenting style (even if your kids have ADHD)
  • how to have fun together (fun? did you forget to have FUN?)

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 literally years to master and we'll do it in a single weekend: three fascinating days of learning, practicing, reconnecting and tenderness.

The four of us: you and your partner, Victor and Linda will meet at GardenSpirit Guesthouse in the Piedmont of North Carolina for

Linda brings the ADHD and female energy to the weekend; Victor brings the non-ADHD and male energy to our sessions

The four of us meet in the privacy of beautiful GardenSpirit Guesthouse The format of the weekend is a combination of instruction, exercises you do alone with your partner The accent is all positive - Linda and Victor are there to help gently guide you to a relationship that is rich with meaning, friendship and love.

“I’m so glad we found your retreat.
It was comfortable, secluded and life-changing.” – Karen

in the Piedmont of North Carolina could quite literally change both your lives. Together, the two of you will:

  • Learn the five secrets to appreciating each other fully
  • Find out how to listen (and hear) with love
  • Discover how to disagree without losing yourself
  • Refocus your attention on the "little things" that can strengthen your relationship

If you are fortunate enough to know a couple who has beaten the odds and stayed together for years (not by sheer endurance, but by loving choice), they will surely tell you that there have been some rough times along the way. A deeply satisfying, lasting relationship is forged in the way you handle those "rough times."

Find out how to bring back the hugs and the giggles,
the deep affection and genuine communication,
the laughter and the love ...

So what went wrong ... or right ... for the two of you?

Now you can create the marriage or relationship you truly deserve
(but thought you'd already missed). Let's go back to Tom and Joanna:

Great relationships aren’t born, they’re built

 

Forged in the heat of blame; tempered by the deepest love

Married for 24 years (second marriages for both), Linda and Victor have long experience in the relationship arena. After a rocky start in 1991...and 1992...and 1993...and 1994...well, you get the idea. It took a long time for this battle-weary couple to wake up and realize that their most precious gift was right in front of them: their relationship.

Now they have a marriage that most people yearn for. "You two are the shining example," says a dear friend.

But the Roggli's aren't much different from you. They didn't sit before an ancient guru to divine the secret of lasting relationships (well, OK, there were a few therapists that had some good ideas, but the rest was all blood sweat and tears).

Rather, they learned a few simple concepts that literally changed their world. And they are willing to share them with you and your partner in a single, glorious weekend.

“You cannot begin to imagine the magic that can happen when you let yourself be guided by the spirit of GardenSpirit and Linda and Victor.”
– Nancy, NJ

“I learned I can listen, I can understand and that I’m not a bad guy.” – Pat, OH

"The Heart of the Matter” is a private retreat exclusively for couples who are committed to each other and to the relationship. Confidentiality is assured; what happens at the retreat stays at the retreat.

When should you attend a Heart of the Matter retreat?

Many couples wait until things are desperate before making the decision to come to a Heart of the Matter retreat. But if you wait too long, it might be too late. So, the Heart of the Matter might be right for you if:

  • You feel that something is missing from your relationship
  • You don’t feel ‘heard” in the relationship
  • You find yourself staying away from home, or from your partner
  • You feel alone, even when you’re with your partner
  • You talk to your friends more than to your partner
  • You’re in a vicious cycle of blame and shame, guilt and pain
  • You sometimes feel hopeless (but not all the time)
  • You’ve slept on the sofa (or another bedroom) more than once this month
  • You find yourself angry at your spouse much of the time
  • You wish things would change but you don’t think your partner is willing to “work on it”
  • You fantasize about finding someone who really loves you

Heart of the Matter retreat

You want to stay together, but you just can't make it work.

Victor and I have been facilitating couples retreats since 2006. Our experience shows that the retreats transform lives, improve relationships and sometimes they even save marriages or intimate partnerships.

Although we have welcomed two or three couples at a retreat, we quickly learned that it can be more difficult for some people to be forthright and open about their relationship struggles in the presence of others. When one or both partner withholds information or emotions, the impact of the retreat is diminished.

So in 2014, we made a dramatic change to our retreat format. We now invite only one couple at a time to our guest house for a VIP ADHD Couples Intensive. There are four of us in the room: Victor and Linda and the couple who has booked the retreat with us

Our VIP Couples Intensives live up to their name: they go deep and wide, opening up both partners to a new way of interacting, a new approach to the relationship.

Victor and Linda are a "mixed ADHD couple" – Linda has an ADHD brain, Victor has a linear (possibly OCD) brain, so we are comfortable inviting ADHD couples into the retreat space.

We learned learned the hard way.?It took a while for us to really "get it".
Trust me, Victor and I struggled with communication for years. Too much. Too little. Too late. Our marriage suffered. It almost ended in divorce court. But we were determined to do it differently this time (yes, we were both married to other people before we married each other).

Thank goodness, we finally figured it out and now we teach other couples how to communicate so that the anger knot loosens and dissolves instead of tightening like a noose around your love and respect.

We've been facilitating couples retreats since 2006. We know the issues that face ADHD couples. Although there are seven steps to our master relationship plan, the one that is most stubborn is Communication. Talking to each other. Resolving conflicts efficiently and effectively.

The Communication Intensive is a weekend devoted solely to breaking old patterns and installing new ones that work. The same ones that work for us and have worked for years and years. ??Now they can work for you. Both of you.

Join us in North Carolina for a weekend that can literally change the course of your relationship for the better."

Your VIP Couples Retreat Intensive includes

  • Private accommodations
  • Meals and snacks
  • Retreat materials

...and plenty of time to rekindle your relationship

You've read the books. You know how to avoid arguments.
So WHY ARE YOU STILL ARGUING?

Because no one gave you the opportunity to practice USING those useful tools before the heat of the moment swamped you both and you reverted to your old patterns, that's why.

All that is about to change with a weekend of practical words-you-can-use-everyday instruction and experience. You and your partner/spouse/significant other will leave this weekend with an arsenal of tools that really work and (more importantly) you'll know how to use them!

Seriously, if you are thinking about leaving your relationship, think again. It does no good to simply change partners. Why? Because guess who's coming along to your next relationship? YOU. So if you don't learn this stuff now, you'll have the same communication problems in the NEXT relationship. Isn't it time to stop looking over your shoulder to find something better? Your relationship - THIS relationship - can be better. A lot better.

There's no magic bullet. But the good news is that it gets easier with practice. And we'll make sure you have a lot of practice before you go home again.

Our only requirement for attendance is that BOTH of you are committed to your relationship. Otherwise it's a waste of your time and money. If you want out, don't come to Durham. But if you want a rich, loving relationship with your partner, it just might change your life. Truly.

The relationship you both deserve

Join Linda and Victor Roggli for a long weekend in the Piedmont of North Carolina that could change your lives together. It's the best gift you'll ever give each other.

  •  Sail the Seven C's to a great relationship
  • Learn the five secrets to appreciating each other fully
  • Find out how to listen (and hear) with love
  • Discover how to disagree without losing yourself
  •  Refocus your attention on the "little things" that can strengthen your relationship

“We’re delighted you found the Heart of the Matter site.
We love sharing the secrets that we discovered
while working to save our own marriage.
Hope to see you at a Heart of the Matter retreat very soon!”
-Victor and Linda Roggli

Great relationships aren't born, they're built

As much as we'd like to believe in fairy tales or in country western songs, enduring relationships aren't the immediate result of an "I do" or exchanging keys to his or her apartment. Great relationships are created, day by day, conversation by conversation, event by event.

If you are fortunate enough to know a couple who has beaten the odds and stayed together for years, they will surely tell you that there have been some "rough times." A deeply satisfying, lasting relationship is forged in the way you handle those "rough times."
So what went wrong ... or right ... for the two of you?

The ‘relationship rut”

Sometimes couples fall into a "relationship rut" -- comfortable, but predictable and ultimately boring. There ‘spark’ that once existed has sputtered so often, it seems to be snuffed out.

Other partners withhold their true feelings, with resentment just under the surface, ready to erupt at a minor upset. And their spouse or partner is mystified at why such a small incident can cause a huge outburst.

Still others aren't happy but they just can't figure out what's wrong. They live parallel lives that touch only when necessary - children, mortgage payments, dinner.

Shouldn't there be more to love than THIS? You bet. And we’re here to show you how to find it.

Transforming your relationship

Your best bet is to arrive at GardenSpirit Guesthouse on Thursday night, before the retreat begins on Friday morning. You can come in as early as you like, relax, enjoy the meditation paths, the labyrinth and the hot tub.

Then "Sailing the Seven Cs to a great ADHD relationship " begins right after breakfast on Friday morning (9:00 am to be exact). We'll jump right into the STandards of Relationship Presence - our guide to making the keeping the retreat space safe for both of you.

The day will be guided, in pa

The two of you will retire to your private room at GardenSpirit Guesthouse for the evening.

After breakfast in the GardenSpirit dining room the next morning, reconvene for group discussion and exercises. The day includes one-on-one work with your spouse or partner and some private time for walking, conversation and practice on new ways to connect. There will be a lot of learning and a lot of laughter.

Saturday evening will be a full blown celebration with a special dinner (champagne and roses, of course) and a time for quiet, romantic conversation before retiring for the night.

Sunday morning the retreat convenes at 9:30 am for three hours of activities followed by lunch (on the veranda, depending on the weather). Closing activities and ceremonies end at 2 pm Sunday.

The focus is on your relationship - together

While it's possible to work on a relationship alone, it's usually not effective. So, to make the most of this weekend, check in with your partner to make sure he or she is committed to playing at 100% for the sake of the relationship.

Funny, but when you really make the effort, not only does the relationship deepen and grow, but so do the partners! It's amazing!

One more thing: this IS a relationship retreat, isn’t it?

You may be wondering about the context of this retreat -- is it about s^x? Not really, although the retreat IS about relationship. Relationship often means s^x, but that's not our main focus. Nothing kinky planned from our point of view! Just wanted to clear that up before your mind went off in a different direction!!!

a transformational retreat for couples

Ready to re-energize YOUR relationship, your lives? Register here!

Are we always happy and loving? Of course not. We’re real, just like you. We still have our tiffs and grumpy days. The difference is that now we know how to untangle those knots quickly, before they become big and tough and impossible to hack through.

Was our marriage ever in trouble? We were on the brink of divorce more than once. Thank goodness we decided to close that ‘exit’ so that we could finally build the relationship for which both of us yearned.

Register here!  We learned learned the hard way.

It took a while for us to really "get it".

Trust me, Victor and I struggled with communication for years. Too much. Too little. Too late. Our marriage suffered. It almost ended in divorce court. But we were determined to do it differently this time (yes, we were both married to other people before we married each other).

victor and linda roggli

Thank goodness, we finally figured it out and now we teach other couples how to communicate so that the anger knot loosens and dissolves instead of tightening like a noose around your love and respect.

We've been facilitating couples retreats since 2006. We know the issues that face ADHD couples. Although there are seven steps to our master relationship plan, the one that is most stubborn is Communication. Talking to each other. Resolving conflicts efficiently and effectively.

The Communication Intensive is a weekend devoted solely to breaking old patterns and installing new ones that work. The same ones that work for us and have worked for years and years.

Now they can work for you. Both of you.

blue-arrows

orange_register


"Join us in North Carolina for a weekend that can literally
change the course of your relationship for the better."


Place: Durham, NC
Airport: RDU
Time: 9 am Friday - 2 pm Sunday
Price: $2895 per couple

The Communication Intensive includes

Private accommodations
Meals and snacks
Retreat materials
...and plenty of time to rekindle your relationship
(just in time for the holidays!).
orange_register

blue-arrowsRegister early; space is limited to four couples only.

You've read the book. You know how to avoid arguments. beach party
So WHY ARE YOU STILL ARGUING?

Because no one gave you the opportunity to practice USING those useful tools before the heat of the moment swamped you both and you reverted to your old patterns, that's why.

All that is about to change with a weekend of practical words-you-can-use-everyday instruction and experience. You and your partner/spouse/significant other will leave this weekend with an arsenal of tools that really work and (more importantly) you'll know how to use them!

Seriously, if you are thinking about leaving your relationship, think again. It does no good to simply change partners. Why? Because guess who's coming along to your next relationship? YOU. So if you don't learn this stuff now, you'll have the same communication problems in the NEXT relationship. Isn't it time to stop looking over your shoulder to find something better? Your relationship - THIS relationship - can be better. A lot better.

There's no magic bullet. But the good news is that it gets easier with practice. And we'll make sure you have a lot of practice before you go home again.

Our only requirement for attendance is that BOTH of you are committed to your relationship. Otherwise it's a waste of your time and money. If you want out, don't come to Durham. But if you want a rich, loving relationship with your partner, it just might change your life. Truly.

orange_register

Victor Linda Dallas 2013

Relationship triage in three simple steps:

1. Gather the right relationship tools.

2. Learn how to use them.

3. Practice using them until you are really, really good at them.

Well, heck, if I could do that, I'd have a great relationship in the first place! How in the world do I DO those three "simple" steps?

Retreats for ADHD couples